"You can't give love to someone else without knowing how to give
yourself love first."
According to humanistic psychology, human beings have an inner need and
desire to give and receive high quality love. Love is the glue that holds together
human society and without it our lives have little meaning or purpose. In fact,
our need to give high quality love to others drives us towards behaviors that
would otherwise be considered insane, such as mother rushing into a raging fire
to save her child or a father working night and day at a job he hates in order
to provide sustenance for his family. Modern Western society has focused quite
a bit of attention on how to attract, possess, and maintain love in one's own
life, but it often misses the main secret of attracting love--that if you give
love unconditionally from the heart, you will get love back in abundance from
the unlimited supply the universe holds.
What is Unconditional Love?
Before we define what unconditional love is, we should first clarify what
love means in the context of this article. Genuine love for another person
simply means the continual desire and the act of increasing the level of
happiness in another person's life. It's important that we understand exactly
what unconditional love is so that we can know exactly how to express it
completely to ourselves and towards others, as well as fully appreciating it
when it is offered to us by others. Unconditional love is the ability to
accept, respect, and care for yourself and others without any conditions,
limitations or reservations attached to that love. Unconditional love is the
practice of giving of love to others without demanding that they perform
behaviors that you desire. This kind of love is best portrayed by the love between
a mother and her child. Unconditional love has little to do with romance,
friendships or relationships and more to do with an abundance of love for
yourself which flows out from your body and attracts good things and people
into your life like a magnet.
When describing unconditional love towards yourself, it means the pure
acceptance of everything that is you, including all your flaws and weaknesses.
Really this is the basis of unconditional love because love in its true form
cannot be shared or given to someone else until you love and accept yourself
first. There are no boundaries or limits on love that is unconditional. You are
not trying to control the actions or behaviors of the other person, nor do you
impose conditions on your love by restricting that love if they behave or don't
behave a certain way. Unconditional love is the ability to want what's best for
others in their pursuit of universal happiness, irregardless of your own
opinions and biases of them or their behavior. Unconditional love is an
overflow of positive energy that comes from the complete love that you have for
yourself so no matter what the other person's says or does; it will not affect
your level of happiness.
The Benefits of Unconditional Love
The practice of giving unconditional love requires by its very nature that
you don't expect anything directly in return for giving it to others. By
providing unconditional love to others, you are expressing your faith that good
things will be drawn into your life through the law of attraction. Here are
some benefits of giving unconditional love:
o The act of giving unconditional love to others eliminates the fear of
anger and reprisal from other people for any behavior you do. It also
facilitates open and honest relationships with other people.
o In a more spiritual sense, sharing your love unconditionally with the
world sends out positive energy which will be returned to you in one form or
another to create great abundance, wealth, and goodness that you deserve in
your own life.
o When you provide unconditional love to others, you are not dependent on
others for happiness, but rather you derive your happiness from within. Your
energy radiates to those around you and the world gives back to you in
abundance.
o When you give love unconditionally, then you can't be ever angry at
anyone. All human minds need congruency of thought and it's simply impossible
to hate another person if you have made the conscious decision that you are
going to love them unconditionally.
o By giving unconditional love to others, you side-step any tricks,
emotional ploys, and unfair negotiating tactics because you have consciously
choses to take responsibility for giving them love from own heart despite the
behaviors that they exhibit.
Happiness Comes from Within
Those people who try to find their love and happiness in the possessions,
places or people they have in their life are destined to be miserable in life
because they fail to understand that true happiness can only be found within
themselves. Everlasting joy, happiness and love all come from falling in love
with yourself. The people, places and things that you attract into your life
that make you happy only serve to enhance the love that you already have for
yourself. They can never replace that inner love. If you want to practice
giving unconditional love, then the first person you must show true love to
first is yourself. Love yourself for the person that you are, which includes
all your flaws as well as your strengths.
How to Practice Giving Unconditional Love
To practice unconditional love is simple, yet you must make a conscious
decision to act on accordingly. You must first make the conscious decision that
no matter what the other person thinks, says or does, you are going to provide
them with the same amount of love that you would if they treated you like
royalty. More importantly, you make the firm commitment that you are going to
provide them with unconditional love freely and without harboring any negative
intentions.
o Unconditionally love yourself first. The first person that you need
to show unconditional love to first is yourself. After all, you are married to
yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Learn to love
everything about you because even your flaws make you unique and special. Once
you fall in love with yourself, then the world opens up in abundance to your
life.
o Don't use "if-then" clauses with your love. The use of
"if-then" clauses makes the love conditional, even if you only say it
inside your own mind. For example, "If you treat me well, then I will show
you affection." Unconditional love exists without any "if-then"
statements.
o Write what you love about yourself. In your journal or on a piece
of paper, write 15 qualities that you love about yourself. This will help you
visualize and memorize all the great qualities that you possess. After you
finish writing those qualities down, repeat them out loud to yourself
o Unconditional love is not automatic. Always remember that
unconditional love is something that you must decide to give, not something
that is automatically given. It requires practice to give love to those that
you don't like and to accept everyone for who they are, regardless of your
opinions about them.
o Don't give love with expectation in mind. If you expect something
back in return for your love, then that makes the love you give conditional in
nature. Instead, have the faith to believe that what you put out there in the
world will eventually come back to you, but don't expect it at that very moment
to be returned.
o Repeat it in your mind. If you get upset at yourself or another
person, then immediately begin to say over and over in your mind, "I love
[Person] unconditionally, no matter what they say or do." Your mind cannot
hate a person and love them at the same time because it is not congruent
thinking, so it immediately removes much of the anger and hatred that builds
inside of you if you repeat statements of love in your mind.
o Write it down. If any negative thoughts enter your mind about
yourself or another person in your life, then destroy those thoughts with the
power of writing. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 things that
you love about the other person and after you are done, repeat it out loud.
This cancels out your negative thoughts of the person and it sows the seeds of
unconditional love for that person in your subconscious mind.
Conclusion
When you fall in love with yourself, you give yourself the ultimate power to
pick up the pen and begin to write your own book rather than having other
people write it for you. You are able to tap into the unlimited potential that
is within you. It's like a spark that ignites your heart and that passion
spreads to your mind and your body. Everything in life becomes crystal clear.
When you fall in love with yourself, the world opens up to you in abundance.
~Tristan Loo
